Eco House is for sale, before I lose my sanity

When I came to Utila, I wanted to simplify my life and live one with the nature, more or less like a hermit. But, that was too easy, I had to go and start an Eco House, a small eco lodge with 3 rental units. and that is where problems started. Renting rooms means tourists. They want to come and refuse to just send you the money.

If I never see another tourist, it will be just fine with me. I have been running the Eco House for four years now and I have to stop, before I end up in jail for strangling someone.
I am a social person, friendly and kind most of the time. That means that I treat my guests like long lost friends. I pick them up when they arrive. I offer them cool beer when they settle in. I give them tips where to go, where to dive, where to shop. I supply free water, free washing machine, free cooking gas, the electricity, cable TV and internet are included in the price. What more can anyone want? Well, what they want is to get it all for free. What, the detergent is not included? And I should do something with the climate, it is way too hot. And by the way, the bugs are enormous, could I clean the jungle of animals and bugs, please? And what about that garbage in town? We should do something. And really, what language people speak here? It does not sound like any English we have ever heard. What, it was Spanish? Why do they speak Spanish? Because we are in Honduras? What has that got to do with anything?
The last drop was last week when my guest came and told me that they were not prepared to pay for an additional night. They do want to stay, but they do not want to pay. It was night already. Should I have kicked them out? Or let them stay one more night for free, and just get the hell out of my sight? You can guess what I did.
No more tourists for me, at least if I ever manage to sell the house. I met some wonderful people and for that I am grateful but the majority of humans baffle me.
If you are looking for a cheap house in the Caribbean, here are the details:

Ocean view, 3 bed 2 bath 2 story house in the lush tropical garden. 0.1 acre land, mature garden. Fully fenced, secure and safe, in a quiet residential neighborhood, 10 min walk from town center. Furnished, all appliances, dishes, linen etc. Just bring swimming suit. $140,000
Come for a visit and check it out. Contact me at ecohouseutila@yahoo.com

Pass the word, help me sell the house and save my sanity. I want to be a hermit. I am too old for this $#&@.

Teenagers in heat

My three months old kitten Lilo is in heat. She has been howling for days (and nights), rolling on the ground and rubbing herself on my old (neutered) cats and old (neutered and/or female) dogs. Other animals are puzzled by such outrageous behavior, but since she is a baby, they are used to her being a pest and are just ignoring her. My kitten's behavior is not uncommon and is well known to the parents of teenagers in Utila. Or elsewhere. Tiny girls wearing high heals, makeup and hooker-style clothes are in fashion. So are teenage pregnancies. In Utila, baby is a fashion accessory, at least until she or he is 3 years old and not so cute any more. Something in the water, maybe? Raunchy TV novellas/soap operas they watch hungrily and regularly? Plain boredom? Or total lack of sense of reality and responsibility which should normally come from healthy family life. So, as a consequence, we have 35-years old grandmothers. And kids running around like stray puppies. Do I have a solution? Our vet Loretta is opened every second Tuesday between 10 and 12. She does free spaying and neutering, donations are welcome. Until then, I am going to chase Lilo and equip her with a miniature chastity belt, before she finds the ugliest, mangiest tom on the island and scratch her itch.
Your grumpy old pet gran
Marina

Eco House Utila

Getting laid in your 60's - another reason to move to Utila

My son finally showed some mercy and came to spend two weeks with me in Utila. He is a great kid (well, kid is relative, he is 37) and we have wonderful relationship, when we are together. In the meantime, I have to go to the Facebook to see if he is alive. I heard that it is one use of the Facebook nobody talks about, but fairly common. Anyway, we had lot of fun: we hiked, cooked, drank, swam, met all my friends and in general had a blast. He lives in New York, and he enlightened me about the life in the Big Apple, which I last visited in 2000. Among many other delights, New York is great for single men, because there are far more available women, and there is a sense of desperation in the air. Although my son told me that it was far too much information, I told him that we do not have that problem on the island, and that even I, now 59, can get regular nooky. Thank god for Latinos. They genuinely love women. They love us tall, short, thin, fat, dark and pink. You smile at them and they get excited. Don't get me wrong, I am not the exception. Many of my female friends in Utila have the same experience. So, I was thinking, why don't we start sex industry in Utila: Sex for Senior Ladies. Everyone would have to sign a waiver, since our medical care has a lot to be desired, and Latinos being studs that they are. Also, no meaningful relationships available. Just pure fun. Any tourist agencies out there interested in working on this? Happy holidays, everyone.